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Call of the Dead/Transcript
Opening Scene ''George A. Romero'''' is heard talking in the black screen.'' Romero: "Well, I've always liked the 'monster within' idea. I like the zombies being us. It's like zombies are the blue-collar monsters." The lighthouse appears on the screen with a flash of lightning behind it. Zombies start to attack Danny Trejo, who was armed with two machetes and Robert Englund armed with a pitchfork. Trejo: "We're completely surrounded!" Englund: "We're completely fucked!" Englund stabs a zombie with his pitchfork and Michael Rooker kills zombies with two Sawed-Off Shotguns. Rooker: "Are you girls kidding me? I've been praying for this shit! Come on!" A door to the lighthouse opens behind Rooker, and Sarah Michelle Gellar kicks a zombie corpse down the stairs that lead to the door. Gellar: "Boys... let's get to work." Action music starts playing and all four celebrities continue killing zombies. A zombie comes to attack Rooker from behind. Rooker turns around and attempts to hit the zombie on the shoulder but misses. The zombie stops attacking, looks at the camera, and starts talking. Fake Zombie: "For God's sakes, he missed me again!" Romero: "Cut! Are you blind, man?" Romero takes one of Rooker's shotguns and goes to Englund to demonstrate how Rooker was supposed to knock out the zombie for the movie. Romero: "Like this." Romero hits Englund in the face with the butt of the shotgun. Englund: "OOOWWWW!" Romero: "See?" Trejo: "No jefe, I do it like this." Trejo bunts the bottom of his machete on top of Englund's head. Englund: "Danny!" Gellar: "I do it like this." Gellar roundhouse kicks Englund in the chest, knocking him on his back. A real zombie then comes out of a window prop. Romero: "Get back to hair and make-up. You don't look dead enough!" A fake zombie attempts to take the real zombie by the shoulder to escort it to hair and make-up. Fake Zombie: "Come on, let's go." The real zombie throws the fake one to the ground, picks up Romero and runs away with him. Rooker: "That ain't in the script." Trejo: "We're writing a new one! It's called 'Maggot! Sack! Massacre!'" Englund: "This is a real nightmare!" Englund stabs an approaching zombie with his pitchfork Sarah stabs a zombie in the back with a sickle Gellar: "Let's slay some stiffs!" Trejo slashes two zombies' necks, runs another zombie through and slits its neck. Gellar kicks another zombie in the mouth as Englund stabs a zombie with his pitchfork and throws it onto the ground, stabbing it again to kill it. Rooker kills some zombies with his shotguns, and shoots towards the camera as the film ends. Original Characters Trapped (Solo Transcript) The player walks past the vault and hear the Original Characters talk to them. Dempsey: "Hey? Hey!? Is there anyone out there? We're stuck in this room!" Nikolai: "Hello?! There is a Russian stuck in the room! This is not good!" Richtofen: "Excuse me, is there anyone out there that would be willing to help? Hellooo?" If t''he player melees the vault...'' Nikolai: "AHHHHH I'm blind, I'm blind, in my eyes!" Dempsey: "Holy shitballs, me too... What did you do Richtofen!?" Richtofen: "I did nothing. Where's the light switch? Oh. I think I found a lever. Perhaps this will turn on the light." Dempsey: "Ooh, AAH! Let go, that's.... not... a... LEVER! Richtofen!" Richtofen: "Haha! Shhh! Did you hear that?" Nikolai: "Uhh.. Sounded like someone outside. Hey, you! Hey! I need vodka!" Richtofen: "Hello? Could you help us? There must be a blown fuse or something. It's dark in here." (Takeo throws up) Dempsey: "Oh man, that's wet." Richtofen: "Hi Takeo, yeah, how you doing? You see all the puke? That we're picking up? You're not saying thank you? Nothing? You know why? Because you're a little shit." If t''he player stays at the vault...'' Dempsey: "Oh for the love of.. Richtofen, just cause the lights ain't on doesn't mean I can't kick your ass. (Slaps Richtofen, 'Richtofen falls to floor') Now get your finger out of mine!"''' Nikolai: "You know, I kept the power off my entire first marriage..... first wife looked like Nikolai too much... ugh." Richtofen: "It's so dark and quiet! Anyone up for a game?" After t''he player then finds a fuse and puts it in the fuse box...'' Richtofen: "Ah much better, now I can see the problem. We must have gone too far in the future. Look, the teleporter is completely broken. The time circuits are damaged. We'll have to reboot the--" Dempsey: "Wait, you took us here on purpose!? Where are we?" Richtofen: "A better question Dempsey..." Nikolai: "Oh look! Blinkey light, heh heh, what´s this button do?" Richtofen: "Nikolai, NOOOOOOO!!!!"''' (MDT Security System turns on) Richtofen: "Oohhh great Nikolai, you just activated the MDT security system." Nikolai: "Good!" Richtofen: "Excuse me! You outside, ja... the handsome one. We need you to locate the power sources of the security system. They look like little half domes with a hole on top.. kinda like a big... forget it. If you destroy them, it should shut down the security system." If the player stays at the vault... Dempsey: "This force field is good for something after all, keeping me separate from 'Mr. Touchy Feely' over there." Nikolai: "I can break these force fields with Russian head strike... Grr..! Argh..! Ooh.. shit (farts)' Bad idea. I lie down.''" '''Richtofen: "Oh its situations like this make me wish I haven't erased their....... I mean..... (sings) force field, force field, stuck behind a force field. Hehehe... Do you know that tune?" After the player destroys the generators... Dempsey: "Okay, that did the trick." Richtofen: "Ah yes, Takeo can you hand me that screwdriver?" (Takeo throws up) Dempsey: "Ok, eww." Richtofen: "Is that all he's going to do this trip?" Nikolai: "TAKEO! Let's dance you barfing fool!" Richtofen: "So now that they're occupied I've been wondering, could you do a special errand for me? I need you to retrieve a very important device, it looks like a long, stiff, hard, golden rod... With fingers on the end, Aaaoohh, delightful." If the player stays at the vault... Dempsey: ''"Oh boy, let's leave so we can go on another wild goose chase except we're the geese and the zombies are...... something. There's a saying in here, isn't there?...... a little help!"'' Nikolai:'' "It's going to be sad to leave this tiny tiny room. Richtofen, I hope you're leading us to more vodka and less zombies!"'' Richtofen: ''"Soon the vril generator will be MINE! And then there is only one more thing I need! (maniacal laughter)"'' After finding vodka and giving it to Nikolai... Richtofen:'' "Oh hello thank you so much."'' Dempsey: ''"Come on Rectal-fan. It's singing time!"'' Nikolai: ''"Ahh I feel like dancing with third wife, like she's doing the troika with me."'' Dempsey: ''"Wait isn't the troika that dance that needs three people?"'' Nikolai: ''"Yeah, but third wife, big woman. She can do both parts!"'' Dempsey: ''"Eww."'' Nikolai: ''"I lie in bed I just roll towards her, you know."'' (Takeo throws up.) Nikolai: ''"Takeo, lets dance you barfing fool!"'' Dempsey and Nikolai (singing): ''"99 shots of vodka, 99 shots of glee, we drink for fun, it's better than rum! 99 shots of vodka for me! 98 shots of vodka, 98 bottles of glee, we drink for fun, it's better than rum! 98 shots of vodka for me!"'' Richtofen: "So now that they're occupied I've been wondering, could you do a special errand for me? I need you to retrive a very important device, it looks like a long, stiff, hard, golden rod... With fingers on the end, Aaaoohh, delightful." Nikolai: "96 shots of vodka........" Dempsey:'' "Come on, you lost count again you dumbass! Now we have to start all over again!"'' Nikolai: ''"Well, I do not like math.'"'' (Both repeat song until finished) If the player stays at the vault... Dempsey: (burps)'' "You know, sometimes I feel like I can't remember a time before the zombies, er, I really can't. Heh heh, maybe it's the vodka. Well, maybe not."'' Nikolai: ''"Ha ha ha, everything is right again! hehehehe!"'' Richtofen: ''"One more piece, and the world will be MINE! (evil chuckle) Oh, I mean, (singing) force field force field, I'm not stuck behind a force field. Do you know that tune?"'' After the player finds the Golden Rod and gives it to Richtofen... Dempsey: ''"Kinda sick of me to ask this but Richtofen, is that a rod in your pocket?"'' Richtofen: "Nein, let's go! I've got us what we needed." Nikolai: ''"Ha yeah.... DRUNK!"'' Richtofen:'' "Thank you so much for your help out there. Goodbye!"'' (Crew tries to teleport away but malfunctions) Nikolai:'' "What happened?"'' Dempsey: "Should I get out and push?" Richtofen': "Ugh, the fuse box must have shorted out--again!" Dempsey: ''"Oh come on! This better be more rewarding than last time. Stupid Gersch."'' Nikolai: ''"Vodka!"'' After the player fixes the broken fuse... Richtofen: "Thank you again stranger, perhaps we will see you another time.. goodbye!" Dempsey: "Yo sauerkraut, never did tell us why we came--wherever this is." Richtofen: "All in good time my clever Dempsey, all in good time!" (Takeo throws up) Richtofen: "Oh.. that's what you get for eating raw fish!" (Crew teleports away and leaves behind a Wunderwaffe DG-2) Original Characters Trapped (Co-op Transcript) The players walk past the vault and hear the Original Characters talk to them. Dempsey: "Hey? Hey!? Is there anyone out there? We're stuck in this room!" Nikolai: "Hello?! There is a Russian stuck in the room! This is not good!" Richtofen: "Excuse me, is there anyone out there that would be willing to help? Hellooo?" If t''he players melees the vault...'' Nikolai: "AHHHHH I'm blind, I'm blind, in my eyes!" Dempsey: "Holy shitballs, me too... What did you do Richtofen!?" Richtofen: "I did nothing. Where's the light switch? Oh. I think I found a lever. Perhaps this will turn on the light." Dempsey: "Ooh, AAH! Let go, that's.... not... a... LEVER! Richtofen!" Richtofen: "Haha! Shhh! Did you hear that?" Nikolai: "Uhh.. Sounded like someone outside. Hey, you! Hey! I need vodka!" Richtofen: "Hello? Could you help us? There must be a blown fuse or something. It's dark in here." (Takeo throws up) Dempsey: "Oh man, that's wet." Richtofen: "Hi Takeo, yeah, how you doing? You see all the puke? That we're picking up? You're not saying thank you? Nothing? You know why? Because you're a little shit." If t''he players stay at the vault...'' Dempsey: "Oh for the love of.. Richtofen, just cause the lights ain't on doesn't mean I can't kick your ass. (Slaps Richtofen, 'Richtofen falls to floor') Now get your finger out of mine!''" Nikolai: "You know, I kept the power off my entire first marriage..... first wife looked like Nikolai too much... ugh." Richtofen: "It's so dark and quiet! Anyone up for a game?" After t''he players find a fuse and put it in the fuse box...'' Richtofen: "Ah much better, now I can see the problem. We must have gone too far in the future. Look, the teleporter is completely broken. The time circuits are damaged. We'll have to reboot the--" Dempsey: "Wait, you took us here on purpose!? Where are we?" Richtofen: "A better question Dempsey..." Nikolai: "Oh look! Blinkey light, heh heh, what´s this button do?" Richtofen: "Nikolai, NOOOOOOO!!!!"''' (MDT Security System turns on) Richtofen: "Oohhh great Nikolai, you just activated the MDT security system." Nikolai: "Good!" Richtofen: "Excuse me! You outside, ja... the handsome one. We need you to locate the power sources of the security system. They look like little half domes with a hole on top.. kinda like a big... forget it. If you destroy them, it should shut down the security system." If the players stay at the vault... Dempsey: "This force field is good for something after all, keeping me separate from 'Mr. Touchy Feely' over there." Nikolai: "I can break these force fields with Russian head strike... Grr..! Argh..! Ooh.. shit (farts)' Bad idea. I lie down.''" '''Richtofen: "Oh its situations like this make me wish I haven't erased their....... I mean..... (sings) force field, force field, stuck behind a force field. Hehehe... Do you know that tune?" After the players destroy the generators... Dempsey: "Okay that did the trick." Richtofen: "Ah yes, Takeo can you hand me that screwdriver?" (Takeo throws up) Dempsey: "Ok, ew." Richtofen: "Is that all he's going to do this trip?" Nikolai: "Oh, I have such a headache.. I need vodka!" Dempsey: "Now ain't the time for drinking, Nikolai!" Nikolai: "I heartily disagree! Now is perfect time for drinking. (He Burps)" Richtofen: "Ja, vodka! That will give me the distraction I....... I mean...... good idea!" Nikolai: "See Tank? It always good time for drinking, eh?"﻿ Richtofen'' "But there couldn't possibly be anything left to drink anywhere, could there?"'' (Staying at the vault) Dempsey: "At least there aren´t any fucking zombies in here... I feel like I'm on vacation." Nikolai: "Wait, my eye-sight is clear, my hands do not shake, I can hold coherent thoughts... aaah! I'm... SOBER! (groans)" Richtofen: ''"Remember, if you have to go to the potty, I have designated this corner the potty corner. Meaning that if you have to potty, in a corner, this will be the corner that you would potty in. Number 1 or 2 is acceptable"'' After finding vodka and giving it to Nikolai... Richtofen:'' "Oh hello thank you so much."'' Dempsey: ''"Come on Rectal-fan. It's singing time!"'' Nikolai: ''"Ahh I feel like dancing with third wife, like she's doing the troika with me."'' Dempsey: ''"Wait isn't the troika that dance that needs three people?"'' Nikolai: ''"Yeah, but third wife, big woman. She can do both parts!"'' Dempsey: ''"Eww."'' Nikolai: ''"I lie in bed I just roll towards her, you know."'' (Takeo throws up.) Nikolai: ''"Takeo, lets dance you barfing fool!"'' Dempsey and Nikolai (singing): ''"99 shots of vodka, 99 shots of glee, we drink for fun, it's better than rum! 99 shots of vodka for me! 98 shots of vodka, 98 bottles of glee, we drink for fun, it's better than rum! 98 shots of vodka for me!"'' Richtofen: "So now that they're occupied I've been wondering, could you do a special errand for me? I need you to retrive a very important device, it looks like a long, stiff, hard, golden rod... With fingers on the end, Aaaoohh, delightful." Nikolai: "96 shots of vodka........" Dempsey:'' "Come on, you lost count again you dumbass! Now we have to start all over again!"'' Nikolai: ''"Well, I do not like math.'"'' (Both repeat song until finished) After the players find the Golden Rod and give it to Richtofen... After the players fix the broken fuse Richtofen: "Thank you again stranger, perhaps we will see you another time.. goodbye!" Dempsey: "Yo sauerkraut, never did tell us why we came--wherever this is." Richtofen: "All in good time my clever Dempsey, all in good time!" (Takeo throws up) Richtofen: "Oh.. that's what you get for eating raw fish!" (Crew teleports away and Samantha Maxis grants George A. Romero a Wunderwaffe DG-2 Power-Up to hold) Ending Scene Images of zombies and the lighthouse flashes as George A. Romero begins to speak in a dark room, sitting on a chair. Romero: "Years ago I did research for a World War II movie. I came across some old Nazi documents. I couldn't believe what I was reading." Several images showing the logo of Group 935, and the lab hallways from "Five" are seen Romero:'' ''"Element 115,'' necromancers, raising the dead, real creepy stuff."'' Flashes to the four celebrities fighting against the zombies are seen. Trejo (flashback): 'We're completely surrounded! 'Rooker (flashback): 'Come on! ''Back to the dark room with Romero. '''Romero:'' "The coolest thing? Some of that crazy shit happened right here." ''Flashes of the celebrities are seen once more.